My children are awesome. I'm an awesome dad. But I generally am not a "kid person". Smaller versions of us with only a fraction of the mental capacity and the inclination to vote democrat due to this developmental oversight is all the reason anyone needs to hate kids. I mostly hate your children because YOU don't understand how to parent a miniature skull full of mush that only understands pain as a teacher and lives for it's wants and necessities.

When I go to a restaurant, I want to eat my fucking food. I don't want to listen to your kid cry about the stupid themed child menu it was coloring you had to take away to feed them THEIR fucking food. My kids understand to be polite and calm at an eating establishment, and even use proper manners with the servers. By this I mean telling the waitresses to fuck off when we go to Country's Barbeque. That's one place I allow them to curse. Other places it's "yes, ma'am" and "thank you" and "aren't you gay?". YOUR kids think they're at home. Laughing, yelling, running around and knocking over MY fucking food. And then you apologize, and say "Kids will be kids!". No, kids will be miniature versions of their stupid ass parents. They will also be ravenous little animals if not taught to walk straight and speak by an adult.

When I go shopping, I want to get my shit and get out with a minimum of fuss and drama. Being a broke motherfucker, I have taught my kids they can not always get what they want and to move on with their lives. Being a dumbass who wants to be liked by your kids, YOU have taught yours if they throw a big enough tantrum, you will placate them even if you can't eat or afford a prostitute for the next week. My kids understand I can throw them to the floor in the toy aisle a lot harder than they can throw themselves. Your kids' incessant bawling and stomping only proves they have managed to train an adult like a monkey, not that you're "a sensitive parent who understands the psyche of a child".

Anytime I'm in public, I do not want to be assaulted by the ear-piercing shrieks of some spoiled little brat whose parents are too stupid and weak to lay the smack down on it. That's right - IT. Your kids don't deserve a reference to their gender, as they don't behave like homo-sapiens. If your kids are acting like this in public, take them to the car and wear their ass OUT. Then, lock them in the car until they are finished crying about:

A. The ass whipping
B. Whatever thing it was they wanted or wanted to do that caused the outburst in the first place
C. Being YOUR kid

Nut up on those stupid little fuckers. Keep 'em in the car until they realize what a privilege it is to be out in public with me, instead of locked up in a cage in your back yard like they should be. Child cruelty? I don't think so. My parenting method works. That's why my kids act like civilized humans in public, and yours act like the fucking "Planet of the Apes". I even produce an "aura of authority" that incites other children - including my nieces and nephews (oogie-boogie's kids)- to behave in my presence.

The only real cruelty is your stupid little crumb cruncher knocking my $18.00 steak in the floor and ruining my badass Dale Jr. pit-crew shirt by knocking my beer over. Anyone who can ruin those three things with ONE bad parenting inspired act of stupidity deserves a power bomb through the spanish announcer's table. Regardless of age. And if you are pissed off, you still won't be able to call child services on me.

You'll have to call PETA.