As you read though this slightly incoherent post, you'll notice this article has something in common with a highly used internet portal - the MySpace chain letter. I enjoy MySpace. I have reconnected with old friends, joined a few communities, and made new friends. I can reach out to potential fans of my rants and my music. Scabby crack whores who claim I fathered their bi-racial children can now find me with ease. But the chain letter is fucking ruining it. I don't care what Dateline NBC says - the MySpace chain letter is a much bigger threat to our children than any pedophile from Fortson, GA.

Much like this article, they are always mis-titled. Perhaps a chain letter can't deflower a 15 year old, but it can drive them to the point of insanity as they constantly open bulletins from their supposed friends thinking they actually have something going on. I just get so sick of god damned chain letters. Here I am thinking, "Oh, one of my friends is having a party" or some shit and instead it's a bullshit chain letter. If you send one you deserve to be run over by a busload of nuns. The time I wasted looking at your stupid "repost this and good things will happen" bullshit could have been spent masturbating frantically to lesbian nazi hookers pissing on old men dressed like Smurfs.

So to discourage this practice among people I know - and yes, I ACTUALLY KNOW most of the people on my MySpace - I have started some of my own chain letters to illustrate to the moronic masses how stupid and asinine these chain letters are, and how pissed I'm going to be at you for wasting my fucking time. First, here's the letter that started it for me.

And here I was thinking I was going to a kickass party! I was pumped, I was psyched, but no! Another in a long line of bullshit chain letters! GLARG! This sent me over the edge. I just couldn't stand it. So in response, I sent this one out -

To my incredulity, someone we know who has shitty reflexes and a breast-themed rant page actually reposted this with "I am gay" as the title! I wasn't going to let you see it, but since one of the joys in my life is pwning him, here it is -

That's just fucking hilarious, I don't care where you're from - that's funny. But some people just never learn, so I have posted the ultimate "stop posting chain letters" chain letter.

If any of you repost this on your MySpace, you're fucking lemmings who do random things because you don't know any better. I will lose all respect for any of my "friends" who posts this as a serious chain letter. We all knew chain letters were bullshit back when they were sent through snail mail. What's the deal with some of you? Do you really think reading some bullshit internet script in a shitty font will make you better looking or rich? Do you actually believe you will be stricken by the curse of the gypsy by not reposting?

You probably believe in global warming...errrr, global cooling....errrr, global climate change......errrr, whatever the global disaster de jour is this week. And you probably think it's all George Bush's fault. Moron.