So after a long and stressful tenure with this latest landscape company that garnered me a pesticide applicator's license and an ulcer, I have been released to pursue other employment opportunities. In other words, I got canned. And for what you ask, my army of sick minded fuckers? For little more than standing up for myself and protecting the jobs of my co-workers.

This ordeal really started last summer ('07), while I was spraying the weeds around Ft. Benning, GA. You can't just be some average run of the mill dumbass to do my job - you have to be licensed, because some of the chemicals we use can be mixed to make bombs and other sorts of terrorist weapons. Plus there are environmental factors to consider, such as the chemicals staying in the ground for a long period of time and corrupting the water supply or killing trees. Simply put - you have to know your shit. Which brings us to the crux of the matter.

My boss's boss, who for anonymity's sake we'll call Asshole Mark, tasks me to kill the weeds springing up in the cracks and encroaching on the pavement of the base's stretch of I-185. Not only that, he wants me to use Round-Up and diesel fuel. Excuse me? Diesel? Admittedly, there was a time when you mixed the two to get a better result - but we're well past the 1970's. Not only that, Ft. Benning strictly prohibits the use of diesel as a pesticide. I know this because it's my job to know these things, and Ft. Benning Environmental constantly kept a check on me to make sure I was doing my job right.

So I get Asshole Mark on the phone and inform him "I can't spray diesel fuel on this base. It's a violation of regulations, and is a major part of the reason the previous contractor was fired". Asshole Mark's response?

"Spray diesel".

"Mark, you know you'll be putting the jobs of all your employee's at risk, right?"

"Spray diesel."

"I could be arrested for that. It's a viloation of the label, making it illegal. Plus it's a violation of D.O.D. regulations, even if it were on the label."

"Just tell them I told you to do it."

"This license I carry around says I know better than to do that. At the very least I will be escorted off post, fined heavily, and will lose my license."

"Spray diesel."

Of course having retaken my juevos from the crack head that bore my children, I didn't do it. I used the proper chemical mix, but Asshole Mark kept sending me messages through the manager to use diesel instead. So to make sure he couldn't fire me for refusing to do something illegal, I finally had to talk to Environmental and Contracting. Asshole Mark wasn't too happy about that, but at least I was able to start shitting right again. But it was not over, my fuckers. As soon as the time came to start the winter layoffs (this is seasonal work, after all), my name was on the top of the list, whereas it had not been on there at all the previous season.

But the new manager (who had been the previous assistant manager and is completely awesome) wanted me back, and for a simple reason - I get the job done. So we roll around to the next time the base needs to be sprayed for weeds. I'm helping the crew spray, and for the first time out of the 4 I've helped spray the base. Asshole Mark decides to not pay me for spraying. Okay. But then something horrible happens; we have a guy get injured rolling over his spray unit behind a guardrail.

Even though his company determined it to be operator error (this guy was not cut out for what they were doing), Asshole Mark decides it's somehow MY fault, and uses that as an excuse to fire me for good. Nevermind that the guy who rolled was an accident waiting to happen, or the fact I was only really there to guide them around the base - in Asshole Mark's mind I was supposed to be operaing as the supervisor of a company I didn't work for, and doing a job I wasn't even being paid to do.

So now Asshole Mark has nothing standing in the way of him nickel and diming the government, and running as dirty as he can to save a buck. And to tell the truth I'm really not that mad - oh sure, now I have no idea how I'm going to pay my bills, or handle the expenses of raising 3 daughters. But at least I know I'm better than one person on this planet, and I have people on my side in all this. Plus, it's not like I'm going to be out of work long, either.

Really the only thing that blows about this is all the paperwork I'll have to do. Tons and tons of fucking paperwork. Maybe I can sue for carpal tunnel.

UPDATE!

From the Gerogia Department Of Labor:

Your employer fired you when you failed to supervise [other company] personnel properly. The available facts show that you were performing the duties for which you were hired. The facts show that you did not fail to follow employer's orders, rules, or instructions. Therefore, you can be paid benefits.

Heh heh heh...