So I decided it was time to take the family on a vacation. Actually, my wife decided she needed a vacation and was sick of me sitting my fat ass in front of this computer. Unemployment has been good to me. Anywho, we dropped the baby off with Grandma, loaded the car with drinks and junk food, and headed to Six Flags Over Georgia.

First off, we have to buy our tickets once we get there. Being in a recession, everyone is doing all they can to use double coupons; you really can't blame them. So we're in line behind one woman who takes it upon herself to go on a tirade about how it 'isn't fair' and 'they're trying to squeeze it out of us any way they can'. You know me - I went off on this. I said "Running a business in a capitalist economy isn't about being fair; it's about making money. And who the fuck ever told you life is supposed to be fair? I can't see how you came to Six Flags where a burger is $8 and thought you were going to get in cheap." Dumb bitch looked at me like she wanted to kill me. I didn't (and still don't) care though; had she bothered to read the fine print like my wife did she wouldn't have been in that pickle. She got my daughter and me in for a combined $31 simply by actually reading the fine print on her coupons. Who would have thought?

Once we're in, we are immediately bombarded by the newest plague on the public - the 'witty Jesus saying' T-shirt. You know, where some bible thumper will take a phrase or product from pop culture and twist it to say something about Jesus?

F.B.I.
Firm Believer In Jesus

Jesus died for
My Space
in heaven

WTF? Just wear a damn shirt that says "not going to hell" and be done with it! Or better yet, quit trying to sneak your stupid religious message in on me when all I really want to see are your tits. How can you idiots justify your condemnation of Hollywood when you implore the same kind of propaganda tactics? Fucking hypocrites. And don't forget all the asinine versions of the 'got milk' shirt that were present.

got Jesus?

got Elmo?

got AIDS?

Of course, what would walking around a family fun park be without running into all sorts of fags and lesbians? "Look honey, there's Bugs Bunny - never mind the 2 men kissing behind him." I understand the whole argument about not forcing morals on people, but how about you assholes practice what you preach and not force your lack thereof on me and my kids! Being flamboyantly and openly gay around children is not cool; damn your 'right to an alternative lifestyle' or whatever the fuck you call it. Keep that shit to adult settings, and show some respect for parents who might not agree with your life choices. And you wonder why people have a problem with you...

On a side note, we ran into a chick that looked EXACTLY like Lindsay Lohan from her Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen / Herbie days. Which made it that much clearer how smart of a decision I had made by NOT inviting my friend and fellow ranter Nonzarelli. With his unhealthy fascination with pre-skank Lohan, we would have been thrown out of the park for him humping himself in the chest like a mangy dog in heat. They don't tolerate public acts of heterosexuality at Six Flags.

But we were eventually able to enjoy some rides. Avoiding the Decapitation Batman ride, we started out with the classic Georgia Cyclone, one of the nation's oldest remaining wooden roller coasters. They need to close this old piece of shit down. I'm all for the sentimental value of the ride, but half the people getting off it were complaining about headaches, including yours truly. I seriously felt like I had just gone 3 rounds with Holyfield. After journeying to the first aid station for some ibuprofen, we made our way to Splash Waterfalls. Thanks to morons who want to water their damn grass at 2 in the afternoon we're under strict water restrictions, thusly the water level on the ride was so low we barely got wet - even standing on the bridge. As usual the moron brigade had to comment on the situation; the girl behind me quipped "Can you believe they let the water down so low for conservation?". No, the water is low because of evaporation dumbass. Conservation is why they won't add more to it. She's like "Oh". Fuckers, we truly live in a world of imbeciles.

But we did eventually get wet. Even with the water levels down, Thunder River was still a blast - literally. We managed to get ourselves on the same raft as a group of men from the middle east, and you can see for yourself how that ride went.

Apart from being covered in blood and body parts, it was a fairly pleasant ride.